Quitting Time

Down time fuels and multiplies power time. Thoughts on day 3 of RebootHQ's #5dayreboot.

Ingrained in me, the title of Subtense's blog was The Scoop, a call to balance.


Thoughts - 1) Balance

Personal Self Examination (PSE)

Thomas Covenant—one of the most disturbing characters I encountered as a teenager—performed PSEs on a regular basis.

A leper, he couldn't feel damage and needed to review every inch of his person in a systematic manner.

I do the same for my mental state. On a regular basis I check "mood & food".

Am I too high? Am I too low? Outside nominal bandwidth? Eat. Nap/sleep. Draw trees. Play guitar.

Return to center.

Ingrained in me, the title of Subtense's blog was The Scoop, a call to balance.

When I hit a big win, I scooped cat litter. When I suffered a big loss or felt beaten, I scooped cat litter.

Yes. I use cat shit to center myself.


Thoughts 2) Fear

Colanna's piece The Problem with the Potter talks about the stress high performers suffer caused by fear of competition, performance, and more.

I went through the self-destructive, romantic way long ago and now pay microscopically close attention to my own foolishness.

I've written at least 3 pieces of software to address this: meometer v1 (consciously) and mooodies [sic] (subconsciously!) and the Lineup (incorporating into meometer v2).

Because I start with the understanding I am ragingly incompetent and ignorant and have an infinite amount to learn, my only performance fear is being unaware - aka lying to myself. I forgive myself for the ignorance and incompetence in as close to real time as possible.

This grew from being wrong so goddamned much.

I use all my other fears, attack them in fact. I'm afraid of this so I need to do it.

This put me on stage multiple times, pushed me to publish a book, make a short film (almost!), build a product few would understand, start a company which would likely fail, pitch and sell to folks well outside my normal bandwidth, and more.

One item remains on my fear list, though not for bloody long.


The Writing

Has there been a significant time in your life when you “closed the door softly” on one of your dreams? Did someone else help you make that decision, or did it just come from “your gut”?

1) I transmogrify little dreams.

Instead of building businesses on all my great ideas, I write ones I won't let go into fiction and let characters deal with the challenges and rewards.

This vicarious joy proves enough, and I use my real fuel for the big things.

2) I watch my grand dreams evolve as I study so I can execute.

I could not build 10 years ago what I build today because the technology did not exist.

I also could not build 10 years ago what I build today because I did not exist in my current form.

I have always had to be patient, and when others build a component of my full solution I celebrate.

For example, my 30+ year dream of helping fellow citizens understand and wisely influence government shifted from youthful angry screaming to a concrete solution. It took 3 decades.

Another, meometer is in year 10.